And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
