She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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