where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
