I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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