I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
