I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
