Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
