I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
