I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
