I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
