I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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