What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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