so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
