Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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