just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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