Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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