GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
