So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
