my vag is so smooth its legendary
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
