Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
