I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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