Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize