You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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