We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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