I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
