i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
My cat gives me a boner
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
