i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
