Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
