yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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