bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
