We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize