Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
