I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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