Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
