Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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