I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
