Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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