I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
The feeling are messing with the penis
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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