I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
