is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
