It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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