I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
