You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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