how hairy? two words: wookie tits
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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