Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
