You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
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