I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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