I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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