fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
