Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
