Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
