The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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