i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
