I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize