YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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