YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
this just has baby written all over it
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
