there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
