I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
