I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
