also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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