if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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