I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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