i just had sex bonerless
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I will be naked everywhere
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
