Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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