U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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