how can u be prego again
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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