i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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