If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
