I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
