Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
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