YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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