I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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