Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize