It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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