Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
