I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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