gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize