3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
