i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
