i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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