So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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