I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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