They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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