No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize