I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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