someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
