sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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