Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I need a beard to bite.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
