we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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