u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
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