i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize