new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
