I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
