if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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