we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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