you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
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