the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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