I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
