I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize