i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
