ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize