And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Randomize
