Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
