Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
