You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
